This is going to be a long post, but stick around. Or don't. It's up to you. I think it'll be worth it though.
I stepped on a scale tonight and I weigh approximately 197 pounds. Holy. Shit. The heaviest I've ever been that I've known about is 188 pounds and I thought I was enormous. Whatever. Don't think to yourself, "but I weigh (whatever)!" because that's not what this is about. This is about my body and what I'm comfortable with, and holy shit am I not comfortable with 197. I've noticed I was getting pudgy, but the number just reinforces it. Holy. Shit. I still wear a medium shirt and a 32/34 pant, but damn. I'm most comfortable at 170. That means that I need to close 27 pounds.
27 pounds!
Starting tomorrow morning, I'm refocused. I wish that the anonymous who suggested that we both do the Tumblr Summer Diet would step forward and show themselves. I'd love for us to encourage each other. I'm going to get in shape.
That's not all that this post is about though. Physical fitness is important to me and I'm going to take care of that, but this is about so much more than that.
Jewelie said to me that anyone that she every has a serious relationship with is not only going to have to accept me, but is going to have to be friends with me. We'll have to hang out with each other without her. She's right. That got me thinking about family and friends.
That got me to thinking. I've been a shitty friend. I've been a shitty son and a shitty brother and a shitty dad. I've been so caught up in myself that I've neglected that very people who could have saved me from all of this loneliness. How fucking foolish. I'm going to get in shape and be a better friend.
I've been reading a lot lately. I love it. I finished The Silver Lining Playbook, The Golden Compass, and Animal Farm in the last week. I started The Green Mile. I. Love. It.
And that's gotten me thinking about my own writing. I have dozens on stories ready to be written. I have notes on my iPhone and folders full of story and scraps of ideas sprinkled all over my room. I believe that 95% of them would not only pique some people's interest, but could also have some commercial success. As for my writing ability? I'm alright. I could be a lot better with practice. That's just what I intend to do. I'm going to get in shape, I'm going to be a better friend, and I'm going to write.
And then there's my own personal life. There's so much missing. There's so much that I want to do that I'm not even glossing over. I'm ignoring them altogether. I want to learn to play guitar and rock out with my buddy, Dave, at an open mic night (he can sing... I'll just play). I genuinely want to do a football and beer podcast with my buddy, Frederick, and maybe some other friends. Who cares if we suck? I don't have experiences for other people. I'm doing it for me. I want to play in a men's baksetball or football or softball league with my brother and cousin. I want to hike some of New England's 4,000 footers. I want to go caving with a couple of people that I know who could turn out to be pretty cool friends. I want to run some tough obstacle courses with any friends who are willing to sweat and bleed with me. I want to start living my damn life. I'm going to get in shape, I'm going to be a better friend, I'm going to write, and I'm going to start having experiences.
Basically, I'm going to start living. I don't want to be sitting around 50 years from now asking myself "Why didn't I?"
And for fuck's sake, I'm going to ask a woman to hang out with me because it's been too damn long and I have nothing to be afraid of because I'm going to be something that you're not going to want to miss out on.